I think a huge part of the ignorance about aromanticism is that people fundamentally misunderstand aro relationships because they simply do not have any frame of reference for what it would be like to live without romantic feelings. Non-aro people completely miss the point when they imagine their life as exactly the same, but with the romantic feelings and relationships removed, and extrapolate that that’s what aro people’s lives are like, because for a lot of people… it’s not.
It’s the same misunderstanding when cis people try to imagine what it would be like to be trans by thinking “what if I wanted to be a boy?” and straight people imagine their partner and their relationship as exactly the same, just another gender.
That’s why we get all this bullshit where allo people act as though all relationships must fit neatly and obviously into either ‘romantic’ or ‘platonic’ categories, because… their relationships do. That’s why we hear stuff like “lol what you are describing is a friendship!” when aro people talk about QPRs, because for them, any relationship that lacks romantic affection is a friendship. Because they are not imagining their life without a relationship that is committed, incredibly intimate, exclusive, and prioritised above all others.
Aro people can still desire a level of intimacy and commitment with somebody that everybody else gets from romantic relationships, without wanting a romance: sharing everything – space, money, belongings, time – having a level of emotional and even physical intimacy that is not common in friendships, being committed to one another, making that relationship a priority above other things in your life, basing major life decisions around that relationship… these are all things that most people fulfil through romantic relationships, and aro people can desire that kind of intimacy without feeling or wanting romance.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand QPRs or the aro experience. You don’t have to understand it to respect it. At some point you have to acknowledge that you don’t understand because you have not experienced it, you have no frame of reference for it, and you will never really know what it’s like because those are not one of those people. The validity of aro people’s experiences does not hinge on whether or not non-aro people understand or accept them.
I’ve always loved collecting books. I’ve got enough books that my friends make jokes about using stacks of books as furniture – not true, but close enough. But there is one type of book that I’ve never been able to get my hands on: fanfiction and other independently written, underground work. Especially work with queer themes and/or erotica.
It’s frustrating that fanfiction isn’t generally publishable or sellable. It’s a shame that creators could spend months or years laboring over a phenomenal piece of work and never see a dime for it, never see it in print. So I finally hit on an idea, an attempt to thank the authors of these wonderful underground works, without wandering into legality issues. I decided to learn how to make books. These books are not for sale and are gifts to the authors.
So I have been working on this for a couple of months and here are the first results. These are the very first books I have bound.
Step 1. Making bookbinding tools. I realized very quickly that I needed a sewing frame and a book press. If I were to order these things I would have spent anywhere from $150 – $500. Luckily my family likes to make things. So I enlisted my dad to help me make some simple tools. cost: $30 in materials and an afternoon.
Step 2. Typesetting. Microsoft Word lets you print in “booklet” form, which allows you to create signatures from folded 8.5×11" paper. Each book takes a half to a full day to format.
Step 3. Printing. I am lucky enough to have a robust color laser printer at my disposal. Lightweight 20lb bond / 75gsm copy paper is what I used. This isn’t ideal for books, but it’s inexpensive, easy to procure, and doesn’t choke the laster printer. Perhaps in the future I can do an edition on super thin Bible paper, if I can find a printer that will print on it.
Step 4. Folding, Punching. Perhaps the most tedious part: Every sheet of paper must be folded individually. Then you assemble the signatures and use an awl to punch holes for sewing. Flyboys was 888 pages, which means 222 sheets of paper to fold.
Step 5. Sewing the text block. Now it’s time for tool #1, the sewing frame. This worked exactly as designed, holding the linen tapes steady while I sewed around them. A brick in a rag serves as a weight to hold the text block down while sewing.
Step 5. Gluing. Once the text block is sewn, I glue the end papers to both sides. Then it goes into tool #2, the press, with the spine edge poking out. I glue the signatures together, then apply the headbands and mull as further reinforcement. I leave the book in the press overnight.
Step 6. Making the Case. The case or cover. I’m making half-bound cases, which means there is fabric on the spine, but the boards are covered in decorative paper.
For Flyboys, I went with a “Hux’s hair and verdigris” theme of green cloth, copper printed paper and copper endpapers.
For Bad Things, I wanted murderous blood spatters. I ended up with black cloth, black and red marbled paper and red metallic endpapers.
Step 7. Assembly. The most nerve-wracking step. This is where you glue the block to the case. One shot deal. If you do it crooked, the book is crooked forever. YIKES! After you glue it, you put it in the press overnight again.
Step 8. Ex Libris. I have a few old ex libris labels with Aubrey Beardsley art, I think that’s an appropriate choice to pair with the queer and sexy, so I am adding them inside the front endpapers in the traditional spot. An ex libris label is a traditional way to signify who the book belongs to.
Step 9. Make author squeal with glee. My favorite step.
Again, these books are NOT FOR SALE.
Gods, it’s been an age since I did any bookbinding. It’s SO good to see somebody writing about doing a good job of it.
There’s a great book which I originally got from the library. I bought a copy by the time I returned it and left something extra for the next person who’d borrow it. I’d applied the techniques to a single signature booklet of instructions, of my own devising, for making a sewing frame.
Bind MY fics, friend!
Saving this for when I retire and can afford to bind the WOF books this way.
Once upon a time I worked in this little burger/coffee/ice cream shop and a lady came in one winter and asked if we had a caramel apple drink and we were like ‘well we have cider’ and she was like ‘no I don’t remember what it’s called but this place made a drink that was chai tea, apple cider, and caramel’ and Breezy offered to try and make something for her but she changed her mind and left so Breezy and I were like ‘alright let’s try this’ because we had chai tea, instant cider mix, a shit ton of caramel, instant hot water from the espresso and too much free time.
And let me tell you it was delightful. It tastes like watching the leaves changing color and dancing in the wind. It tastes like picking out pumpkins and gourds and fresh apples at the farm up north. It tastes like witches and freedom.
I make it every year now and this year I walked in the house on the morning of October first with all the ingredients and shouted ‘FALL DRINK’ and my roommates were like ‘????’ so I made them Fall Drink and now every time they get home from work they’re like ‘Fall Drink pls?????’
Anyway I remember literally nothing else about that woman but I’m very grateful to her.
for anyone wondering about proportions/etc here’s op’s answer from the repiles:
@gaslightgallows I feel this would be relevant to your interests.
I don’t like caramel but I can vouch for hot chaider being amazing.
Deareat @simonalkenmayer I feel like this is relevant to your interests.
Also, I do something like this in the crock pot with the overly sweet Growers Pumpkin Apple Cider, chai spices, cloves, a bit of orange juice, and some super dry Pinot Grigio.
Mix, heat, and serve on a nippy night best spent cuddled under blankets with a book.
My friend, you have essentially backward engineered a wonderful winter drink from the Stuart period.
White sack wine, cider, spices (clove, cinnamon, nutmeg, mace, ginger) tea, sugar, and if you want it authentic, a bit of cream or whipped egg. All this is brought together in a low temperature and then stewed for a time. It can also be “pulled”, a process in which one “stirs” the concoction by using a ladle and pouring it repeatedly from high in the air. Makes it foamy and frothy.
Serve warm.
On a cold night, this is a delightful thing. Believe it or not, we also used to make it with a stout beer instead of wine. For a darker richer flavor.
Zynn's Exodus 