Tag: fic rec

spitandvinegar:

Ok so we all know that the answer to “Where did Captain America learn to
steal a car?” is “Nazi Germany” but I think the more pressing question
here is when the fuck did this complete maniac get a driver’s license

Because ok, Mighty Mouse 1.0 is too poor to own a car, too short to
reach the pedals, has vision problems, and is a goddamn New Yorker in the motherfucking 1930s, why on earth would he ever have learned to drive?

So this little bastard can’t even tell the gas from the brakes, he gets
all beefified, he goes on tour with the USO. Unless one of the showgirls
coached him through stalling out a car all over some Hollywood back
lot, he still can’t drive. He goes to Europe. At some point, some genius
looks at him and thinks “this strapping specimen of American hunkhood
obviously knows his way around a vehicle, let’s give him a motorcycle,”
and Steve “no parachute” Rogers is like “how hard could this be?” and
promptly wraps himself around approximately eight trees at the same time.

So then he’s kickin’ ass, fightin’ Hydra, and it’s just months of Bucky being like
“give me the goddamn keys, Steven,” and Dum Dum and Morita endlessly
encouraging his fucking insane Fury Road bullshit, like the Howling Commandos just use “grenade” as code for “Rogers” when they’re reporting
why yet another truck has been destroyed beyond recognition. Yes, sir, another grenade, I agree, sir, it’s very odd that we keep losing vehicles in the same way, that’s the third this month alone

So then he’s in the future and SHIELD is sorting his shit out, and
they’re not going to force Captain goddamn America to wait in line at
the DMV, they’re all in complete awe in him and they’ve seen the old
reels of him on his bike, so when they issue him his driver’s license without any type of road test
they go ahead and give him a motorcycle license too

and steve is like …neat.

Ok so then Bucky is back, shit is settled down, everyone’s heading
somewhere and Steve gets in the driver’s seat and Buck’s like WHOA WHOA
WHOA are you people out of your goddamn minds?! Why is Steve driving, is
this some kind of mission, are we heading into a combat zone, is the
plan for the vehicle to get blown up?? GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS STEVEN

And Sam is all “what are you talking about, Steve’s a great driver, I saw him jump his bike over a car once”

And Buck is all “yes but have you seen him use a turn signal?”

And Steve’s like, “Listen, we never needed to ‘signal’ our ‘turns’ in Nazi Germany.”

And after that Bucky always drives.

Fin.

Oooh, prompts! I’d like “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO” AU for the Leverage OT3, please! (or like, anything that involves someone getting turned into an adorable cuddly creature, that’s the important part.)

theladyragnell:

Hardison figured his dog type would be the big chill kind, maybe, some kind of sheepdog who would go out on runs and have fun with Hardison and flop on his lap on the couch at night when Hardison wanted to play video games. Or maybe some kind of little terrier with plenty of energy who Hardison could chase around while waiting for his code to cycle.

Apparently Hardison’s dog type is “probably actually a wolf,” because he sees Fang’s cage and falls in love instantly.

“Oh, um,” says the girl who’s escorting him around the shelter, who introduced herself as Amy. “He’s a bit of a tough case.”

“I work from home,” says Hardison, staring at what must be the world’s grumpiest probably-a-wolf (maybe with some pit bull mixed in, on second glance). He looks miserable and he’s chewing on a rawhide. “And of course he’s a tough case, you named him Fang. Not even White Fang, just Fang. He deserves something a lot more noble than that. Caesar, maybe. Achilles. Spartan.” The dog’s tail thumps the ground once. “There, see? He likes it.”

“Maybe I can let you two get acquainted,” she says, a little dubious, but way more willing than before. “He doesn’t actually attack people, but he intimidates them, we think he was rescue at some point.”

Hardison crouches and sticks his hand through the bar until it’s a couple inches from the dog’s nose. After a few seconds of glaring, the dog lifts his head and deigns to nose Hardison’s hand. It’s definitely deigning. He has never met a dog who treated affection like it was doing the human a favor by accepting it. “There, see? He likes me.” He twists around to look at her when the dog actually licks his hand. “So what do we think? I’m liking Caesar. He’s definitely regal.”

“If you’re sure,” she says, but her face softens when Hardison stands up and the dog follows as far as he can in the enclosure when they walk down the hall.

*

Keep reading

spitandvinegar:

I like to imagine that the Winter Soldier would have been programmed with basically every language that he would need for missions, and, for the sake of versimillitude, his handlers would make sure that he had the appropriate accent/diction and backstory to flawlessly pass as a native of a decently sized city in the country he was working in. So he speaks French like he’s from Toulouse, German like he’s from Cologne etc., allowing him to seamlessly blend in with the locals when he’s out raining destruction across Europe.

Unfortunately, the Red Room – not being known for its commitment to multiculturalism – didn’t think this system through very carefully when it came time to send the Winter Soldier off to do his first ever long mission for their comrades in China. They just program him to speak Mandarin like a statistically unremarkable proletarian from Zhangjiakou and send him on his merry way.

So he arrives in China with his Soviet handler and the following circumstances align to make the entire mission, from the perspective of the Red Room, a disaster from start to finish.

1. It’s 1971, and China is not open to the outside world. Most of the men on the Soldier’s strike team have never met a foreigner in their lives.

2. Those who have met a foreigner have never met one who speaks completely fluent Mandarin with a paint-peeling Hebei accent.

3. This is ENORMOUSLY INTERESTING AND ENTERTAINING to everyone he encounters.

4. Instead of being unremarkable and blending in with the locals he gets mobbed by curious spectators everywhere he goes. His strike team, despite being a little scared of him at first, are so excited to talk to a foreigner who they can actually communicate with that they constantly come up with excuses to hang out and chat.

5. China’s relative lack of development in the early seventies means that there aren’t the facilities to wipe him or put him in the freezer, so the main weapons that Handler Dima has at his disposal to keep the Soldier in line are 1. it’ll be hard for him to run away because he tends to attract crowds, and 2. He sometimes looks very ashamed of himself if you give him a sternly worded talking-to.

6. The Soldier is having the time of his life. Look at me, look at all of my friends, I have so many friends, EVERYONE LIKES ME.

The Winter Soldier, doing shots of baijiu and toasting to the health of Chairman Mao. The Winter Soldier, chain smoking and eating millions of sunflower seeds while playing Fight the Landlord with his new pals on a cross-country sleeper train. The Winter Soldier, doing morning tai chi and calisthenics along with his team. The Winter Soldier, preening every time someone tells him that he looks like a movie star (his handler says “They’re just saying that because they only ever see Europeans in films,” to which the Soldier replies, “But Dima, why don’t they say that you look like a movie star?”). The Winter Soldier, showboating shamelessly for his strike team, who have started calling him Lao Da and looking to him for orders while ignoring Handler Dima, who can’t speak Chinese and definitely can’t shoot two people at the same time while doing a backflip. The Winter Soldier, making elaborate Chinese puns and teaching his guys useful English phrases that he can’t remember learning (Did you come here alone, doll?). The Winter Soldier, harassing his buddies until they show him pictures of their wives and kids and then sincerely complimenting them on their beautiful families. The Winter Soldier, suspecting that he has experienced this kind of camaraderie before but unable to remember when and how.  

His next mission, in Vietnam, is the first time that they muzzle him.

broadlybrazen:

white-throated-packrat:

otherromanticverbs:

broadlybrazen:

trying to find that one post where y’all speculate about Finn realizing he needs to provide a surname, and he just goes with “Dameron” because that’s the first one which comes to mind (none of his old friends had surnames or even names beyond their official designations, and he can’t remember that much of his family)

and Rey is like “yeah solid choice, makes sense, I like the sound of it” because Rey is a feral desert child and doesn’t know any better

and of course Poe is charmed, and is like “sure I am happy to provide jackets, surnames, my elite piloting skills, my hand in marriage: anything for my friends”

and idk at some point, someone is like “okay Rey do you have any other name, what’s with the mononym shit” and she’s like “uhhhhh DAMERON” because really if it works for Finn, it can work for her

and the long and short of it is: they see nothing unusual in this and completely miss any implications, and eventually this nonsense gets back to the Resistance fighters and Poe’s entire squadron smirks at him for days

#bonus points if when rey figures out she’s a skywalker (SURELY SHE IS) #she tells finn and they’re both really into this whole FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIP AND SURNAMES thing #so she’s like ‘you are my people; do you want to be a skywalker too’ #and of course finn says yes!!! #so they are now rey & finn dameron skywalker #extra bonus points if they unilaterally decide to extend this to poe #who only finds out three months later because of some stupid admin thing #that he is now officially Poe Dameron Skywalker #and he can’t look the general in the face #‘welcome to the family’ she tells him; absolutely deadpan. #people are sending PRESENTS.

Are Poe’s parents still alive? Because he’d be getting messages asking for an explanation why they had to find out third hand that he got bonded, at the very least?

I have been thinking about this and I have decided that I was completely wrong: this entire mess is Poe’s fault, he totally started it.

accidentally! and with the best of intentions! he woke up in the desert with the ship and Finn both missing, and while he feared the worst, he still had hope. when he made contact with the Resistance, he tells them about Finn and has him listed as MIA; he felt responsible for the kid, he felt awful that this boy took a courageous leap with a total stranger & got smashed to bits in the desert for his trouble.

Poe has some vague notion that if Finn was ever found, he’d ask him to join the Resistance, or help him get settled in a new quiet life somewhere safe. He knows Finn doesn’t have anyone else, so he writes “Finn Dameron” and lists himself as next of kin.

when they reconnect, he’s so happy that Finn is okay (a bit distracted by how gorgeous the kid is, he hadn’t had time to notice before), and genuinely touched that Finn kept his jacket, that Finn was equally worried and upset over him. it occurs to him that the name thing could be awkward, so he explains his concerns, he explains next-of-kin notifications, and “you didn’t have anyone else that I knew of, so I wanted to make sure you’d at least have me.”

after that, Poe doesn’t think anything of it.

…but Finn! Finn is like, COMPLETELY VERKLEMPT, that this cool dashing hero person was looking out for him!  Finn has people now – he has Rey and Poe, and the entire rest of the Resistance have embraced him wholeheartedly. also!!! next-of-kin, that’s SO NICE, he has kin now, he’s not just cannon fodder whose passing won’t matter to anyone but his squadmates. he’s a person, he has kin, he has people, he belongs. it’s so great.

he tells Rey all about it and she gets why he’s excited; it IS awesome. he signs everything “Finn Dameron” and she addresses her messages to “Finn Dameron,” it’s all very exciting. and she thinks about it, too, she thinks about next-of-kin, about Finn coming back for her, Finn choosing her.

when she rejoins the Resistance, she asks Finn if she can be “Rey Dameron” so that they can have next-of-kin too. (it simply doesn’t occur to either of them that they can get next-of-kin notifications without exchanging surnames; Poe did it that way, and it made sense to them, and they never thought about it beyond that.) and of course Finn agrees!

he forgets to tell Poe for another five weeks, and then mentions it in passing. Poe is like, professionally unfazed, so he just finds the whole thing charming. they are so cute and he can’t stop smiling over them; they are the best. and again, Poe moves on & doesn’t think anything of it.

…..and then. AND THEN, eventually, Rey finds out that she’s a Skywalker. [This was foreshadowed so heavily in the movie, I’m 99.999% certain they’re gonna go there.] and obviously there’s a lot of feelings and drama, but when it dies down a bit, she’s hanging out with Finn and they’re drowsily curled up together on his bunk because they want to talk FOREVER but they’re so tired but the have SO MUCH TO SAY.

Rey doesn’t totally understand what all of this means for her, what it means to have that family and their legacy. but she does know what it means to have THIS family, the one she has with Finn. so it makes perfect sense to make him part of her new family, to mesh the identity she’s inherited with the identity she’s made, so she asks him, “you are my people, you are my next-of-kin. do you want to be a Skywalker too?” and of course he’s like “YEAH!”

and like. throughout all of this, Poe is their buddy and means a lot to them, and they think of him as their people. (the entire Resistance has noticed how much the kids adore him & hero worship him, it’s hard to miss; they would tease Poe more about it, but he clings grimly to his virtue and hisses “CRADLE ROBBING” every time it comes up, so they mostly let it go.)

so when there’s some Big Dramatic Space Mission, and his squadron goes missing briefly, Finn & Rey are both really messed up about it. and then one of them is like, “…you know what we forgot to do?” and the other one is like “OH OF COURSE.” as his next-of-kin, they have the right to get his records updated, so that’s what happens while Poe spends several miserable weeks fleeing across the muddiest, swampiest continent in the galaxy. when he finally makes contact with the Resistance, he has acquired (1) space cholera, (2) space ticks, and (3) a new surname, though he doesn’t learn about that last one for a while.

His mothers find out around the same time he does, and they are Not Amused. “Why wouldn’t you TELL US,” they ask, and “it’s hardly classified, apparently your whole base knows,” and “we had to hear about it from your commanding officer, young man,” and “were you ever planning to introduce us, what do you have to say for yourself”

and like, there’s a totally reasonable and rational explanation for all of this – “it’s not what you think,” he says feebly, and his moms huff, unimpressed – but he’s still shaken up from the influx of engagement/wedding presents and General Princess Leia herself visiting his bedside to fix him with a gimlet stare and a completely deadpan, “Welcome to the family.” He’s had a long day, he might be married, and he’s not sure how but it’s at least 30% his own fault.

portraitoftheoddity:

I can’t believe you saw a picture of Captain America.
I feel kind of embarrassed. It’s all so corny, and I can’t
believe that people actually like it. But you should hear
the audience cheer and clap when he decks Hitler.
Poor Bill—that’s the guy I share a room with sometimes.
He’s our Hitler and even when he’s not wearing the
costume and the fake mustache there’s a bit of a
resemblance, and you should see the dirty looks he
gets when he’s walking around. I think sometimes
people don’t even realize they’re doing it, but they
frown at him, like they know him from somewhere and
don’t like him but can’t even remember why.

[-Steve Rogers, in a letter to Bucky Barnes]

Commission for the incredible and inimitable @samtalksfunny to accompany the fic Scrap Metal. (Because of course Steve wound up bunking with the only other male stage performer, who just happened to be the guy he decked 200+ times in front of a crowd for his country.)

Source: portraitoftheoddity

witchbarnes:

shanology:

jammeke:

#here’s what I want to happen #the Avengers are having some sort of throw down and they are losing #Hawkeye’s doing what he can sniping people from his roof but there’s too many bad guys #but suddenly shots start coming from a different roof right #and it’s enough to turn the tide of the fight #and Clint books it over there to see what’s happening in case this other sniper is a threat #and the other’s are on the ground and then Clint just says through the earpieces #’Hey Cap there’s a one armed bandit up here who says he’s wants to give you some of your stupid back’ #’does that mean something to you’ #’Cap you hear me?’ #but Steve doesn’t hear him #Steve is already sprinting towards that roof (via)

I NEED A 50K FANFIC OF THIS

As another agent hits the ground, Steve steps back, an arrow grazing his nose and hitting the person coming up the stairs, guns raised. Steve lifts a hand, signals up at the rooftop out of pure habit, then pops the shield up off the ground. Strapping it back to his arm, he jogs across the rooftop, slipping over the edge and down the fire escape, back to where he should have been in the first place.

“What the hell Steve?” Nat’s voice crackles through the comm, quieter than usual, and Steve shoves the earpiece back into it’s proper position before joining back up with Nat and Thor.

“Hydra on the rooftop,” he explains quickly, slamming his shield against an agent’s head before pulling it off his arm and throwing it. ”Any sign of them slowing down?” he asks as he catches the shield and punches another guy in the face.

“Nope” Tony answers for her, as the man himself flies into sight, avoiding the gunfire of the quinjet tailing him. “They’re like rats. Or rabbits. Or-” He’s cut off as he’s forced to throw himself backwards to avoid another barrage.

Steve grits his teeth, not liking how this was looking one little bit, and opens his mouth to speak when he hears Clint’s “Uh..?” Steve looks up, concerned, but sees nothing. Then he ducks as a fist comes flying at his head, holding back an undignified yelp.

“Clint?” Nat picks up, unfazed as she tases someone. “Do you need support?”

Just as Clint goes to answer, the agent Steve’s fighting drops, and then the one sneaking up on Nat follows. Shot after shot rings out, and agent after agent falls, with only a few of them boasting Clint’s arrows.

None of them have time to question it as a new wave of agents appears, but whoever was firing was damned good, and fast as hell. with the added backup, they manage to take control of the fight, killing or capturing the last of the hydra agents. Steve only has to say “Clint,” before they can all hear the sound of Clint running, the thud of him landing on the next rooftop, and then him yelping “What the hell?”

Then there’s quiet. Steve looks at Nat. Nat looks at Tony. Tony nods, ready to take off, when Clint’s voice comes over the comm, sounding confused.

“Hey, Cap, there’s some guy up here with a big ass gun and a shiny as fuck arm saying he’s giving- no, he’s brought the stupid back for you, but he doesn’t think you need it.” Steve doesn’t hesitate, grabbing his shield and running for the building Clint had been positioned on. “Cap? does that mean anything to you?”

Steve doesn’t answer, just pushes himself faster, then hears Tony’s “Hold on” and hears Tony flying towards him. He doesn’t think, just holds up his hand, latches on to Tony’s, and feels himself be lifted off the ground.

The trip doesn’t take long, ten, maybe twenty seconds, but the whole time Steve’s telling himself not to hope, not to expect, that it couldn’t be, but it had to be, because only one person alive would know what that meant.

His feet hit the rooftop, and Tony lands behind him, but Steve’s not paying attention to him anymore, or to Clint, standing awkwardly to the side. His eyes are locked on the raised eyebrow, the familiar tilt to lips he knows better than his own. His voice is soft when he speaks, but he knows the other can hear him fine. Knows he has hearing almost as good as Steve does now.

“Bucky?”

Source: mishasminions

OH MY GOD CAN YOU PLEASE WRITE MORE OF THAT STUCKY ROOFTOP THING P L E A S E

spacebuck:

just for u nonnie (read first)

Steve could hear the clamouring of voices over the comm, could hear Clint saying something, Tony replying, but all he could think about was the fact that, after all this time searching, Bucky had found him. Bucky had found him after Steve had given up looking.

He takes a step forward, then another, and Bucky just watches him, waits for him, little smile not leaving his face. Steve had no idea what the others were thinking, didn’t care at all as he reached out. His touch was hesitant, fingers brushing against Bucky’s cheek, like he was expecting this whole thing to be a dream. But when all he encountered was warm skin, his fingers slid down, off Bucky’s jaw to grip at his jacket. His knuckles were white as he clung to the material, and he hesitated, gaze flicking over Bucky’s face.

Bucky’s smile grew slightly, and he stepped in when Steve wouldn’t, one arm wrapping around Steve’s waist, pulling him into a hug. And Steve all but fell into it, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders and just holding him tightly. “Buck,” he started, but Bucky hushed him, knowing what the next words out of Steve’s mouth were going to be and cutting the apology off before it had begun. Steve dropped his head, rested his cheek against Bucky’s and did as he was told for once.

“Sorry to interrupt this touching scene-” Tony began, and Clint poked him with the butt of an arrow before taking over.

“But we’re on a rooftop in the middle of New York, can we move this inside maybe? Away from the news cameras?” Clint looked up pointedly, and Steve reluctantly followed his gaze to the CNN helicopter flying around them. Steve dropped his arms, went to step back, to break contact, but Bucky wrapped his fingers around Steve’s wrist. He didn’t do anything further, just kept his hand there loosely, and Steve looked at him, eyebrows drawing down.

Bucky just shrugged with one shoulder, grabbed the case Steve assumed had his rifle in it, then slid his hand down to link their fingers, as though he knew Steve needed something to hold on to. But, Steve realised, looking at Bucky as they headed for the door into the building, maybe Bucky needed the same thing.