“Bucky! Bucky? What happened? Jim, how’s Bucky?”
“Tell ‘im it’ll be fine,” Bucky gritted out, the words
shoved out of his mouth with a pained exhale and flecks of blood.Jim would be the first to admit that he wasn’t a very good medic—you might say that Uncle Sam
wasn’t so interested in keeping his yellow troops alive, if you were the sort
of unpatriotic SOB who said things like that—but even he could diagnose the
chance for survival when Sarge had been shot in the chest and was breathing out
blood.“I’m not gonna lie to Cap!” Jim hissed, widening his eyes at
Sarge. Hell, even in the dark and under fire from Nazi troops, Cap’s
superpowers could probably sniff out a lie, and Barnes was already going ashen
under the full moon. There was no reason for Morita to even unpack his kit.“How is he?” Steve demanded, his voice shrill, and Jim
busied himself pulling out rolls of gauze. “Jim!”“Tell him,” Barnes
groaned, blood spilling into his lung and up his throat, unable to bite down
the pained moan when Jim shoved a handful of gauze and all the pressure he
could manage onto Sarge’s splintered chest. “I swear to you on your father’s
grave it’s not a lie, Fresno,” he panted, speaking more clearly than Jim
thought he should be able to, but then most of Jim’s experience as a medic had
been in the camps, carrying out the dead.“Jim! Dammit, Bucky! Answer me!”
“My father’s not dead, you asshole.” Jim wrenched his
blanket out of his pack with his left hand, tossing it clumsily over Sarge’s
legs and doing absolutely nothing to stop Barnes’s sudden shivering, spasming
limbs. “Swear on your own damn grave.”“’m fine, punk,” Barnes croaked, and Jim could only hear him
because his ear was a foot from Sarge’s face—even then it was faint, drowned
out by the sound of Tommy guns and the dull roar of an oncoming tank.“Don’t lie to me, you jackass,” Steve shouted back – everything enhanced, even his ears – ducking
and weaving through trees too dense for him to throw the shield, unable to turn
and catch a glimpse of his second in command without exposing Bucky and Jim to
enemy fire. “Fresno, is he okay?”“He won’t be if you don’t get rid of that tank,” Jim
snapped, because he wasn’t going to lie to Cap and he wasn’t going to disobey
Sarge and none of it was going to fucking matter if they all got mowed down by
Nazis before Barnes gasped out his last bloody breath.It took Jim a second to realize that Sarge wasn’t just
flailing his limbs, and another long moment to figure out that the bastard was trying to sit up. “What the hell is
wrong with you?” he grunted, shoving down harder on the field dressing and
pinning Barnes to the ground. “You want to get shot in the head, too? One
glorious death in battle isn’t enough?”Bucky laughed, choking on his own blood. “Bullet went
through, didn’t it?” he asked, after he’d almost caught his breath. “I can’t
tell. It all feels like I got trampled by elephants.”“Or sat on by Cap.” Jim huffed, then gave in when Barnes
rolled his bloodshot eyes. “Yeah, Sarge, through and through. Why, you were
hoping to die with the bullet that killed you?”It was the sympathetic look on Sarge’s face that made Jim
think it might not be sweat catching in his lashes and stinging his eyes. Jim
scrubbed at his face with his sleeve—he didn’t need to be patted on the cheek
by a man seconds from his own grave.“I’m not dying,” Barnes lied again, his voice inexplicably
stronger, the gurgle in his throat settling to a dull rasp. “Jim, swear on
Steve’s life, I’m not. But you gotta trust me, and you gotta wrap my chest
before trees start growing through it.”“Fertilizer’s all you’re good for,” Jim sniffed, but Sarge
would never, ever swear on Cap unless
it was true, so he hauled Barnes up and propped his useless carcass against a
tree while he cut away his shirts and folded himself around his sergeant in an
awkward embrace, Jim’s hands and arms and chest and teeth all trying to hold
two field dressings in place long enough to bind them down.Five minutes later the sounds of the fight had shifted over
the hill, leaving Jim and his patient alone in a copse of trees on a pile of
leaves tacky with gallons of Sarge’s blood. Jim had managed to shove Sarge into
his coat and wrap him in a blanket, and he was still pale but there was already
color back in his cheeks, and his hands were warmer than Jim’s when he felt at
Sarge’s wrist for a pulse.“Don’t take this wrong,” Jim said, chafing his hands
together and debating the wisdom of starting a fire within sight of the German
border, “but you should be dead. You make a deal with the Devil for your nine
lives?”“Don’t tell Steve.” Sarge was starting to sound like Jackie
after he’d accidentally blown up the mess, experimenting with the meatloaf and
a fuse.Jim tucked his hands under his thighs and sighed. “Don’t
tell Steve you’re dead. Don’t tell him you’re not dead. Make up your damn mind, Sarge.”“You’re right,” Sarge whispered, and he really ought to have
said that ten minutes ago when Jim had shouted for him to “Duck!” “I should’ve died.” He poked at a few blood-stained leaves
with a twig, then lifted his head and stared at Jim. “That’s what you can’t
tell Steve.”“Why not?” Morita wondered, keeping his voice low because Cap
had ears like a bat and the squad was already on their way back over the rise,
safe and well and in control of the woods if their loud mockery was any sign. “Rogers
seems like the kind of fella to believe in miracles. Sort of looks like one, if
you’re looking at him like Carter does.”“Sure,” Bucky smirked, the gaps between his teeth still dark
with blood. “Stevie’s singing down angels and joining the holy choir.” The
smile flickered and vanished, and Bucky stabbed his twig hard into the ground. “But
I think you might be right, Fresno, about where I picked up my nine lives.”It took Jim a moment to catch on, but no matter how many
stories Gabe told about fiddlin’ and a cloven-hoofed jig there was only one
Devil that they had all seen smiling at them through the bars, wire-rimmed glasses on a porcine face. “Damn,” he
breathed, because there was nothing else to say.Bucky snorted, and no air whistled through the hole that
should have been in his lung. “Sure I am,” he agreed. “But there’s no reason to
tell Steve that, not ‘til I’ve used up a few more lives.”Jim didn’t want to lie to Cap. “Guess I just worry,” he
said, when Rogers asked why Morita was still shaking if Sarge was fine. It wasn’t a lie: he worried about them all, now, because even a good medic wouldn’t know how to barter with the Devil for something good in the last life.
“Could you have survived the fall?” Jim demanded, grabbing
Captain America by his lapels and hauling himself up the man’s chest to look
him in the eye. “Could you? Could you still be alive if it had been you?”Steve shoved him away, ran for the silence of the bar, and
went to his own fall believing that Morita had blamed him for not diving after
Barnes—but Steve had never answered, and Jim had kept his trap shut because
what was the point in reliving Sarge’s nine lives if he was dead?(The first year Stark tried to take apart the Arctic, Jim
dragged the other Commandos back to the Alps, but neither team found anything
under snow and ice. Jim hadn’t expected a miracle—but he’d maybe hoped for a
deal, now that the SSR had flung open the doors to its lab and let the Devil in
its bed.)
Tag: fic
Ok so we all know that the answer to “Where did Captain America learn to
steal a car?” is “Nazi Germany” but I think the more pressing question
here is when the fuck did this complete maniac get a driver’s licenseBecause ok, Mighty Mouse 1.0 is too poor to own a car, too short to
reach the pedals, has vision problems, and is a goddamn New Yorker in the motherfucking 1930s, why on earth would he ever have learned to drive?So this little bastard can’t even tell the gas from the brakes, he gets
all beefified, he goes on tour with the USO. Unless one of the showgirls
coached him through stalling out a car all over some Hollywood back
lot, he still can’t drive. He goes to Europe. At some point, some genius
looks at him and thinks “this strapping specimen of American hunkhood
obviously knows his way around a vehicle, let’s give him a motorcycle,”
and Steve “no parachute” Rogers is like “how hard could this be?” and
promptly wraps himself around approximately eight trees at the same time.So then he’s kickin’ ass, fightin’ Hydra, and it’s just months of Bucky being like
“give me the goddamn keys, Steven,” and Dum Dum and Morita endlessly
encouraging his fucking insane Fury Road bullshit, like the Howling Commandos just use “grenade” as code for “Rogers” when they’re reporting
why yet another truck has been destroyed beyond recognition. Yes, sir, another grenade, I agree, sir, it’s very odd that we keep losing vehicles in the same way, that’s the third this month aloneSo then he’s in the future and SHIELD is sorting his shit out, and
they’re not going to force Captain goddamn America to wait in line at
the DMV, they’re all in complete awe in him and they’ve seen the old
reels of him on his bike, so when they issue him his driver’s license without any type of road test
they go ahead and give him a motorcycle license tooand steve is like …neat.
Ok so then Bucky is back, shit is settled down, everyone’s heading
somewhere and Steve gets in the driver’s seat and Buck’s like WHOA WHOA
WHOA are you people out of your goddamn minds?! Why is Steve driving, is
this some kind of mission, are we heading into a combat zone, is the
plan for the vehicle to get blown up?? GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEYS STEVENAnd Sam is all “what are you talking about, Steve’s a great driver, I saw him jump his bike over a car once”
And Buck is all “yes but have you seen him use a turn signal?”
And Steve’s like, “Listen, we never needed to ‘signal’ our ‘turns’ in Nazi Germany.”
And after that Bucky always drives.
Fin.
Coffeeshop Aromas
I wrote this one a long time ago, and found it again recently when I was cleaning out my fic folders. It’s tooth rotting fluff and has no redeeming qualities other than the fact that it is entirely happy, and that seems to be something this fandom could use right now.
Title: Coffeeshop Aromas
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Kaneki Ken/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Wordcount: 7,336
Warnings/Kinks: none
Summary:
Kaneki should have known something was up when Hide didn’t complain about Touka not being the one to fill his order. A cappuccino made by the cutest barista indeed.

…Bucky blew out a cloud of smoke, unwinding, and said, “fuck, I missed you.“
for @cesperanza ❤ and Coming and Going

Sort of a more humoristic continuation for this pic for Owlet’s fanfiction This, You protect because this fic manage to be both hilarious and heart-breaking and I felt it deserved both styles.
Oooh, prompts! I’d like “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO” AU for the Leverage OT3, please! (or like, anything that involves someone getting turned into an adorable cuddly creature, that’s the important part.)
Hardison figured his dog type would be the big chill kind, maybe, some kind of sheepdog who would go out on runs and have fun with Hardison and flop on his lap on the couch at night when Hardison wanted to play video games. Or maybe some kind of little terrier with plenty of energy who Hardison could chase around while waiting for his code to cycle.
Apparently Hardison’s dog type is “probably actually a wolf,” because he sees Fang’s cage and falls in love instantly.
“Oh, um,” says the girl who’s escorting him around the shelter, who introduced herself as Amy. “He’s a bit of a tough case.”
“I work from home,” says Hardison, staring at what must be the world’s grumpiest probably-a-wolf (maybe with some pit bull mixed in, on second glance). He looks miserable and he’s chewing on a rawhide. “And of course he’s a tough case, you named him Fang. Not even White Fang, just Fang. He deserves something a lot more noble than that. Caesar, maybe. Achilles. Spartan.” The dog’s tail thumps the ground once. “There, see? He likes it.”
“Maybe I can let you two get acquainted,” she says, a little dubious, but way more willing than before. “He doesn’t actually attack people, but he intimidates them, we think he was rescue at some point.”
Hardison crouches and sticks his hand through the bar until it’s a couple inches from the dog’s nose. After a few seconds of glaring, the dog lifts his head and deigns to nose Hardison’s hand. It’s definitely deigning. He has never met a dog who treated affection like it was doing the human a favor by accepting it. “There, see? He likes me.” He twists around to look at her when the dog actually licks his hand. “So what do we think? I’m liking Caesar. He’s definitely regal.”
“If you’re sure,” she says, but her face softens when Hardison stands up and the dog follows as far as he can in the enclosure when they walk down the hall.
*
I like to imagine that the Winter Soldier would have been programmed with basically every language that he would need for missions, and, for the sake of versimillitude, his handlers would make sure that he had the appropriate accent/diction and backstory to flawlessly pass as a native of a decently sized city in the country he was working in. So he speaks French like he’s from Toulouse, German like he’s from Cologne etc., allowing him to seamlessly blend in with the locals when he’s out raining destruction across Europe.
Unfortunately, the Red Room – not being known for its commitment to multiculturalism – didn’t think this system through very carefully when it came time to send the Winter Soldier off to do his first ever long mission for their comrades in China. They just program him to speak Mandarin like a statistically unremarkable proletarian from Zhangjiakou and send him on his merry way.
So he arrives in China with his Soviet handler and the following circumstances align to make the entire mission, from the perspective of the Red Room, a disaster from start to finish.
1. It’s 1971, and China is not open to the outside world. Most of the men on the Soldier’s strike team have never met a foreigner in their lives.
2. Those who have met a foreigner have never met one who speaks completely fluent Mandarin with a paint-peeling Hebei accent.
3. This is ENORMOUSLY INTERESTING AND ENTERTAINING to everyone he encounters.
4. Instead of being unremarkable and blending in with the locals he gets mobbed by curious spectators everywhere he goes. His strike team, despite being a little scared of him at first, are so excited to talk to a foreigner who they can actually communicate with that they constantly come up with excuses to hang out and chat.
5. China’s relative lack of development in the early seventies means that there aren’t the facilities to wipe him or put him in the freezer, so the main weapons that Handler Dima has at his disposal to keep the Soldier in line are 1. it’ll be hard for him to run away because he tends to attract crowds, and 2. He sometimes looks very ashamed of himself if you give him a sternly worded talking-to.
6. The Soldier is having the time of his life. Look at me, look at all of my friends, I have so many friends, EVERYONE LIKES ME.
The Winter Soldier, doing shots of baijiu and toasting to the health of Chairman Mao. The Winter Soldier, chain smoking and eating millions of sunflower seeds while playing Fight the Landlord with his new pals on a cross-country sleeper train. The Winter Soldier, doing morning tai chi and calisthenics along with his team. The Winter Soldier, preening every time someone tells him that he looks like a movie star (his handler says “They’re just saying that because they only ever see Europeans in films,” to which the Soldier replies, “But Dima, why don’t they say that you look like a movie star?”). The Winter Soldier, showboating shamelessly for his strike team, who have started calling him Lao Da and looking to him for orders while ignoring Handler Dima, who can’t speak Chinese and definitely can’t shoot two people at the same time while doing a backflip. The Winter Soldier, making elaborate Chinese puns and teaching his guys useful English phrases that he can’t remember learning (Did you come here alone, doll?). The Winter Soldier, harassing his buddies until they show him pictures of their wives and kids and then sincerely complimenting them on their beautiful families. The Winter Soldier, suspecting that he has experienced this kind of camaraderie before but unable to remember when and how.
His next mission, in Vietnam, is the first time that they muzzle him.
Please Don’t Break (Because I Can’t Fix You) – zynnser – The Martian – Andy Weir [Archive of Our Own]
Yuletide author reveals were today! Thanks to Lanna Michaels for such an awesome set of requests! This fic is a canon divergent AU answering the question what if the Iris probe made it to Mars and Watney stayed on Mars until Ares 4?
Title: Please Don’t Break (Because I Can’t Fix You)
Rating: PG
Pairing(s): background canon pairings
Wordcount: 10,559
Warnings/Kinks: none
Summary:
Name: Mark Watney
Occupation: Space PirateResidence: Base of Operations: Mars
Duration of Residence: November 5, 2035-September 30, 2039
trying to find that one post where y’all speculate about Finn realizing he needs to provide a surname, and he just goes with “Dameron” because that’s the first one which comes to mind (none of his old friends had surnames or even names beyond their official designations, and he can’t remember that much of his family)
and Rey is like “yeah solid choice, makes sense, I like the sound of it” because Rey is a feral desert child and doesn’t know any better
and of course Poe is charmed, and is like “sure I am happy to provide jackets, surnames, my elite piloting skills,
my hand in marriage: anything for my friends”and idk at some point, someone is like “okay Rey do you have any other name, what’s with the mononym shit” and she’s like “uhhhhh DAMERON” because really if it works for Finn, it can work for her
and the long and short of it is: they see nothing unusual in this and completely miss any implications, and eventually this nonsense gets back to the Resistance fighters and Poe’s entire squadron smirks at him for days
#bonus points if when rey figures out she’s a skywalker (SURELY SHE IS) #she tells finn and they’re both really into this whole FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIP AND SURNAMES thing #so she’s like ‘you are my people; do you want to be a skywalker too’ #and of course finn says yes!!! #so they are now rey & finn dameron skywalker #extra bonus points if they unilaterally decide to extend this to poe #who only finds out three months later because of some stupid admin thing #that he is now officially Poe Dameron Skywalker #and he can’t look the general in the face #‘welcome to the family’ she tells him; absolutely deadpan. #people are sending PRESENTS.
Are Poe’s parents still alive? Because he’d be getting messages asking for an explanation why they had to find out third hand that he got bonded, at the very least?
I have been thinking about this and I have decided that I was completely wrong: this entire mess is Poe’s fault, he totally started it.
accidentally! and with the best of intentions! he woke up in the desert with the ship and Finn both missing, and while he feared the worst, he still had hope. when he made contact with the Resistance, he tells them about Finn and has him listed as MIA; he felt responsible for the kid, he felt awful that this boy took a courageous leap with a total stranger & got smashed to bits in the desert for his trouble.
Poe has some vague notion that if Finn was ever found, he’d ask him to join the Resistance, or help him get settled in a new quiet life somewhere safe. He knows Finn doesn’t have anyone else, so he writes “Finn Dameron” and lists himself as next of kin.
when they reconnect, he’s so happy that Finn is okay (a bit distracted by how gorgeous the kid is, he hadn’t had time to notice before), and genuinely touched that Finn kept his jacket, that Finn was equally worried and upset over him. it occurs to him that the name thing could be awkward, so he explains his concerns, he explains next-of-kin notifications, and “you didn’t have anyone else that I knew of, so I wanted to make sure you’d at least have me.”
after that, Poe doesn’t think anything of it.
…but Finn! Finn is like, COMPLETELY VERKLEMPT, that this cool dashing hero person was looking out for him! Finn has people now – he has Rey and Poe, and the entire rest of the Resistance have embraced him wholeheartedly. also!!! next-of-kin, that’s SO NICE, he has kin now, he’s not just cannon fodder whose passing won’t matter to anyone but his squadmates. he’s a person, he has kin, he has people, he belongs. it’s so great.
he tells Rey all about it and she gets why he’s excited; it IS awesome. he signs everything “Finn Dameron” and she addresses her messages to “Finn Dameron,” it’s all very exciting. and she thinks about it, too, she thinks about next-of-kin, about Finn coming back for her, Finn choosing her.
when she rejoins the Resistance, she asks Finn if she can be “Rey Dameron” so that they can have next-of-kin too. (it simply doesn’t occur to either of them that they can get next-of-kin notifications without exchanging surnames; Poe did it that way, and it made sense to them, and they never thought about it beyond that.) and of course Finn agrees!
he forgets to tell Poe for another five weeks, and then mentions it in passing. Poe is like, professionally unfazed, so he just finds the whole thing charming. they are so cute and he can’t stop smiling over them; they are the best. and again, Poe moves on & doesn’t think anything of it.
…..and then. AND THEN, eventually, Rey finds out that she’s a Skywalker. [This was foreshadowed so heavily in the movie, I’m 99.999% certain they’re gonna go there.] and obviously there’s a lot of feelings and drama, but when it dies down a bit, she’s hanging out with Finn and they’re drowsily curled up together on his bunk because they want to talk FOREVER but they’re so tired but the have SO MUCH TO SAY.
Rey doesn’t totally understand what all of this means for her, what it means to have that family and their legacy. but she does know what it means to have THIS family, the one she has with Finn. so it makes perfect sense to make him part of her new family, to mesh the identity she’s inherited with the identity she’s made, so she asks him, “you are my people, you are my next-of-kin. do you want to be a Skywalker too?” and of course he’s like “YEAH!”
and like. throughout all of this, Poe is their buddy and means a lot to them, and they think of him as their people. (the entire Resistance has noticed how much the kids adore him & hero worship him, it’s hard to miss; they would tease Poe more about it, but he clings grimly to his virtue and hisses “CRADLE ROBBING” every time it comes up, so they mostly let it go.)
so when there’s some Big Dramatic Space Mission, and his squadron goes missing briefly, Finn & Rey are both really messed up about it. and then one of them is like, “…you know what we forgot to do?” and the other one is like “OH OF COURSE.” as his next-of-kin, they have the right to get his records updated, so that’s what happens while Poe spends several miserable weeks fleeing across the muddiest, swampiest continent in the galaxy. when he finally makes contact with the Resistance, he has acquired (1) space cholera, (2) space ticks, and (3) a new surname, though he doesn’t learn about that last one for a while.
His mothers find out around the same time he does, and they are Not Amused. “Why wouldn’t you TELL US,” they ask, and “it’s hardly classified, apparently your whole base knows,” and “we had to hear about it from your commanding officer, young man,” and “were you ever planning to introduce us, what do you have to say for yourself”
and like, there’s a totally reasonable and rational explanation for all of this – “it’s not what you think,” he says feebly, and his moms huff, unimpressed – but he’s still shaken up from the influx of engagement/wedding presents and General Princess Leia herself visiting his bedside to fix him with a gimlet stare and a completely deadpan, “Welcome to the family.” He’s had a long day, he might be married, and he’s not sure how but it’s at least 30% his own fault.

I can’t believe you saw a picture of Captain America.
I feel kind of embarrassed. It’s all so corny, and I can’t
believe that people actually like it. But you should hear
the audience cheer and clap when he decks Hitler.
Poor Bill—that’s the guy I share a room with sometimes.
He’s our Hitler and even when he’s not wearing the
costume and the fake mustache there’s a bit of a
resemblance, and you should see the dirty looks he
gets when he’s walking around. I think sometimes
people don’t even realize they’re doing it, but they
frown at him, like they know him from somewhere and
don’t like him but can’t even remember why.[-Steve Rogers, in a letter to Bucky Barnes]
Commission for the incredible and inimitable @samtalksfunny to accompany the fic Scrap Metal. (Because of course Steve wound up bunking with the only other male stage performer, who just happened to be the guy he decked 200+ times in front of a crowd for his country.)